What would you do if God said those words to you? Would you go? Would you hesitate? Would you run the other way?
And what if "going" meant facing your "Ninevah"? What would you do then?
Ninevah, in Jonah's time was a city considered to be filled with barbaric, cruel people. A city so renown for it's brutality that it struck fear in everyone who heard it's name.
And yet, God told Jonah to arise and go to Ninevah and preach against it.
In effect God was telling Jonah, go face your worst fears.
That's right where I'm at. A few weeks prior to this study God began nudging my husband and I on the topic of returning to the Seattle area. For my husband this was wonderful. His family is there, he loves the city and has wanted to return since the moment we were moved to our current city, 10 years ago.
I, on the other hand, would rather run the other way. There's not a chance on earth that I welcome this opportunity.
Seattle itself isn't the problem. In fact, it's a beautiful city with lots to do. My problem is a "heart" problem.
You see, years ago when we lived up north family dynamics were so bad that I couldn't wait to leave the area, and as God would orchestrate it, at the height of the turmoil He moved us south for a job relocation. You never saw a happier gal on the planet than the day we moved.
To be physically removed from an ugly situation allowed for all the emotional scars to heal. Or so I thought. But truth be told, all of those ugly family dynamics were only partially covered up through time and distance. So all of the hurt feelings, all of the anxiety that comes from dealing with pain and heartache are resurfacing again with this call to return.
To say that I'm like Jonah and want to hop a ship and head the other way, is an understatement. I simply do not want to go. Period. I don't like confrontation. I don't like fights. And I don't like being around people who do. I'd just as soon keep my distance if at all possible, thank you very much.
However, the good Lord has His plans.
So about 3 weeks ago we received a call that started the ball rolling with this move north. To say that I'm dragging my feet and digging in is unfortunately an understatement. Sometimes I'm not immediately obedient to what God is calling me to do.
Now logically I know God's will, will not change. But emotionally, I sure wish He'd change His mind about all of this and leave us right here.
A girl can hope can't she?
Realistically I know that's not gonna happen. I've been a child of God long enough to know full well that if God's calling me to it, it's gonna happen. One way, or another.
The only change that's gonna happen here is in me. Physically it's happening with the move back. Emotionally, that's where the hard work is gonna take place. On the inside I'm fighting this tooth and nail and grittin' my teeth the whole way. I know until I actually step foot on Washington state soil, the good Lord will need to do a work in my heart simply because I don't want to go.
And it all boils down to fear.
I don't want to face all the pain again. I don't want to leave our home. It's safe. Thousands of miles separate me from those who would possibly hurt me again. And it scares me to death to think that the life we've created here, away from drama and pain will possibly turn upside down and heartache will pour in again.
As a peace seeking person, the thought of returning stops me dead in my tracks. I'm scared to death. Deep down I want to trust all that God says He will do. But frankly, I'm shaking in my boots. I have faith in God but not in myself.
And yet God is calling me to face my Ninevah.
It is time.
What about you? Has God ever called you to face a Ninevah? How did you respond?
Right now as I'm shaking in my boots, I'm delving into God's word, holding onto His promises and bit by bit, getting the house ready to sell.
The good news in all of this is that God never lets us go. We are never alone. And for that, I am forever grateful!
Deuteronomy 31:6 - " Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."
Until next time,
Blessings & best wishes,
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