Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Lead Me Lord

I recently read the following from a fellow blogger, “Instead of holding it all together, let yourself be held by the One who loves you, - Isaiah 40:11”

The moment I read those words, they seeped into my soul, resonating the promises that I need to be held by God for, at this moment, I am battle weary.

Lord, I need these words of promise tonight.”

My dad who suffers excruciating pain from osteo & rheumatoid arthritis told me that when he's sleeping it is the only time he doesn't suffer any pain. That's how I feel right now. I have this pain that is constantly weighing on me. It's not a physical pain, it's a heart and soul pain. A battle that has waged on for nearly 9 years. And I'm tired. I'm drained to the point of exhaustion and I desperately need a break. I want, like my dad to simply close my eyes, and rest. To take a much needed break from this dark cloud that has loomed in my life.

And to make matters worse, the only solution to this that I can see, is to simply give up my stance and wave my white flag in surrender. Accepting defeat in a battle that I've fought long and hard on.

That's the hard part. Realizing that maybe all that I've fought for was for nothing.. That's where I'm at. Defeated. Sad. Angry. All of it. All that I've poured my heart and soul into is evaporating right before my eyes. And I'm broken.

Sometimes life is like that.
It's not always handed to us in pretty little package all tied up in bows. Sometimes it downright hard. And I mean, hard core, rip your heart out of your chest, give you a migraine kind of hard.

And I hate it.

What bugs me even more is that I have no idea what to do next, where to go, what to say or even what to think. All I know is that I've lost the battle in this situation and now I'm bone dead, soul weary tired.

I need rest and a good cry.

I'm like that.

When life gets too hard, when I feel defeated and angry for being beaten up and torn down, tears help release the pain. It is then that I feel the healing power of God's promises.

He tends His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young.” ~ Isaiah 40:11

I need to be carried. I need to be held close to God's heart and I need Him to lead me. I am weary. I am brokenhearted. And I need Him now more than ever.

He's there. Arms outstretched. Pulling me (and you) into His embrace of rest. Comfort. Peace. 

God is with us.

So that's my prayer tonight. That the good Lord, in all of His love and mercy would gather us into His arms, keep us close to His heart and gently lead us in all times, now and forever,


I am praying for you tonight.

In Jesus,


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